Thursday, November 17, 2005

Relapse

Last night I did something I vowed I would never do again in my lifetime unless absolutely necessary. Not only did I do it once, I did it twice. I feel sooo ashamed, and disappointed in my lack of self control. Last night I went to Wal Mart. Yes folks, the place I had promised to boycott because of its corrupt capitalistic Nazi fascism. As some of you are aware (and not many people read this) my husband and I have quit work completely with the exception of out part time student jobs and are finishing school. This means that 20 hours a week at $5.15, there’s not much money to pass around. So, I had to resort to going to Wally World to pick up some necessity items.

The bad part in all of this is not only did I pick up the items I went in for (deodorant, lotion, shampoo, mouthwash, ect.) I found more stuff I didn’t need. Like hair color, which on sale for 4.95. Hell I couldn’t pass that up, especially when I normally pay $6.95 for the box. Two whole dollars, that’s like two bean burritos at Taco Bell. That’s a meal man. So ok, I finished with my Wal Mart shopping excursion with only a few extra items and headed home. No one saw me; so I think I can still stay in the Liberals for a Equal America club…teehee.

Then, around 8:30 my husband called to have me run up to school to jump his bike because it’s hella cold and won’t start. Just got to love Texas weather, two days ago it was 80 and last night it was 37 degrees. Anyhow, since my husband LOST our last set of jumper cables (yes I’m Texan and they are jumper cables not booster cables…….deal with it) we usually borrow our neighbor’s. Alas the were not home, Murphy’s law! So I decided I’d just go buy some because we need them anyways. But where can you buy jumper cables at 9PM? You guessed it, Wally World….errrrr. I haven’t visited this store in over a year, and today I have been through their doors twice. This time I had to walk all the way to the back of the store, which was a mistake. I found picture frames for $5. Since we’re poor and pictures are what our family is getting for X-mas, I was stoked. $5 is cheap! Then I saw the AC filters, I got a bundle of 3 of them for what I normally pay for ONE at the hardware store. By now I’m just plain giddy. Thus the daunting task of perusing the automotive department started. There is a secret code of organization that only men can understand there. I figured I’d be wandering around aimlessly for 20 minutes looking for jumper cables, but believe it or not this adorable little old guy who apparently works the automotive department came to ask if I, Amanda, the girl in the isle with no basket and 5 unnecessary items in her hands, needed help finding anything. I nearly passed out; you can NEVER find a living person that actually works in the automotive department actually IN the automotive department especially at 9PM. With all this excitement I didn’t think my shopping experience could possibly get any better, but it did. The jumper cables were only $5.95. WoooHooo!! (No this is not Whooping, I don’t care how long I live in Aggieland I will NEVER Whoop on purpose!) Man life is good.

So walking back to the check out line I see only 4 lights on and the customer lines past the ends of the isles. Now I remember the price you actually pay when shopping at Wal Mart. With no other alternative, and me not willing to put down my $5 frames, or AC filters I got in line with the rest of the sheep. Ten minutes later, a 88 cent dog toy (made in china by some child in a sweat shop no doubt), a $1 bottle of hand soap, and a copy of People Magazine had been added to my pile. (Yes I know I’m a sucker but It had Angelina on the cover and apparently she’s pregnant. I wanted to have her babies damnit.) Finally I paid the checker (in cash of course because if I run for public office I don’t want it to be traced that I actually supported child slave labor by shopping at Wal Mart) and got in the car to pick up Andrew. Sad but true, I enjoyed my Wal Mart excursion, but shhhhhhh, don’t tell anyone ok!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Music to My Ears

When I first took my job at the beginning of the semester, the idea of getting up at 5am wasn’t all that appealing. However, now I’ve actually started to enjoy getting up so damn early. There is hardly any traffic on the way to work, I get THE best parking space in the parking lot, and the wait in line at McD’s is non existent if I choose to grab some grub. The best part is the serenity of getting up and taking a shower when all other participants in my house are fast asleep is NO interruptions of “mommy where is my……..”, NO husband poking his head in or groping me naked in the shower, no bird, cat, or dog, begging for attention or laying on the already crowded floor. Just me, the silence, and the world still asleep.
This morning it was nice out and I had the windows open, the air was cool, the sounds of night were still present, no cars, or people outside. Pure serenity! I was totally enjoying the quiet, ME time, then suddenly, as if a needle skidded across the Mozart record playing in my head, my serene quiet came to a unexpected halt and screeched into reality. A lout noise came from my bedroom, pppppppppppffffffffffffffffttttttttttt! Yep you guessed it folks, my sleeping husband was playing but in trumpet in his sleep. (damn if I only could have recorded that one he would have been so proud…teehee) This is not an uncommon occurrence at my house, we’re gaseous folks, and did you know the average person farts 14 times a day?! Imagine Angelina Jole blowing one out her cute little tush like that. It happens, I’m sure!
Not skipping a beat, because like I said my dude is always making “music”, I returned to my mental Mozart………….back to my tranquility. At that moment it happened again. Pppppppppffffffffffffffftttttttttt! This time the noise was coming from my son’s room. (he is soooooo his father’s son) At this point I decide, hell, if you can’t beat them join them………….ppppppffffffttttttt!
That’s right people. We’re the ppppppfffffffttttttt family. My mornings of peaceful bliss are not set to Mozart, but to the trumpets of my family’s own creation