Friday, April 14, 2006

I Need a Shot of Vodka


This living apart from my husband is killing me. It's not so much the being apart from him that is so stressful, it's the mental, physical, emotional, drain from the distance. I love my husband, more than words can explain, but right now I resent the situation we're in.


Travel to see him.......Squeeze in a few hours before he has to go to work, then wait, by myself and kiddo, with no money to go do anything, the house not mine do anything with, then his parents show up with a whole world of problems they bring in of their own. I feel anger and it's hard not to take it out on him.

He comes home to see me.......Roommate in the house so we're not really home alone and, everyone and god realizes Andrew is home and comes over or in town to see him. My house is full, and yes I'm selfish but I want to just spend a normal moment ALONE with my family. What can I say. We can't go anywhere without people there.

Broke down...........

I'm almost to the end and running out of steam. I know we only have a few more months to go but I feel drained and question whether or not I can make it with out breaking.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I Kiss You!

For all you single women out there looking for a good man!

I cracked up at the "I speak english" part. new word of the day!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Just reading.....and laughing!

Just reading.....and laughing!

One of my daily reads is, and this is a blog she linked to on one of her posts. I sat in the library laughing outloud, alone, and thought the rest of the world (as if anyone reads this) should experience the same joy!

"On my way to lunch at the Manhattan Mall Food Court, I noticed how many reflective surfaces there are in the mall. You can spend your wait for the elevators by staring at your mirror reflection in its closed doors. Structural columns are also covered in mirrored glass. Certain stores, like LIMITED, employ reflective trim around their plate glass windows. Everywhere you go, you get to see what a terrible decision you've made by visiting the mall.

Today I also got to see, very plainly, the small lump developing around my mid-section. I have not yet determined if it is benign. It's that weird lump you get after you've grown pretty accustomed to being skinny and then nature tells you, "hey, check it out. Party's over, fatty." It's small now, but I fear it could grow into what I like to call a "weed baby." (Check out lifelong pot smokers. Even the skinniest of them get a crazy second trimester weed baby. Skinny pot smokers eventually develop upper bodies that resemble a python digesting a mouse.)"

link to this blog:

Friday, April 07, 2006

Role Models

How can we teach our children to be honest, and trustworthy?

How can we tell our children hurting others for personal benefit is wrong?

How can we tell our children that difference is not a bad thing, and just because someone has a different culture and worships another god, it does not make them “evil doers”?

How can we tell our children to go to school and learn when educated people use words like “evil doers”?

How can we convince our children to any of this when the leader and role model of this country is George W. Bush?

Politics aside people, this man is a horrible example of what a good person should be. Telling classified information to shut someone up? Just because that someone was questioning "W's" motivations behind invading Iraq. Oh wait a minute....maybe this is his example of good Christian values he is so adamant about advocating for. I get it!!!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Do You Know this Guy?

This semester I’m taking a Psychology class. Part of our homework was to discuss our responses to a true / false questionaire we took in class. The last question was: “what percentage of men cheats on their wives?” To much of the classe's dismay (and mine too because I guessed 45%) the correct answer was 60%. Apparently that was too disheartening to my bible belt class, thus creating a 100+ posting discussion board to get started. Here is one student’s response that totally reaffirms my abhorrence for the neo Nazi fundamentalist Christians out there. (With my comments in purple ) All spelling and grammar is left untouched, not saying mine is much better but I do know what spell check is.

“the question of commitment versus instinct boils down to the fundamentalphilosophical beliefs of a SOCIETY. these two philosophies are HUMANISIMand THEISM.” (ohhhh trying to sound smart are we….I’ll give him points for that) like what someone said "we CHOSE to have this tradition." i want to takethat one step further and say, "we CHOSE to MAINTAIN this tradition,"for if we are merely "exclusive creatures" we say we are no better thanwolves and panthers (why do they automatically compare us "heathens" to goats?) who only join together to hunt and preserve species,and again we wouuld be no better than bonobo monkeys who only have sexfor the fun of it.(like there is anything wrong with that????) to quote Joshua Harrisson (author of "i kissed dating good bye" and "boy meets girl"), "sex is not the problem, lust is." (yes folks, it’s all down hill from here) if we really want to root out this behavior from men (and women!!), we mustremove its roots--lust. lust in men is triggered MAINLY (not ONLY) by two things: sight and touch.(really? Dude I would hate to be his wife someday…."stop it honey or I’ll lust you!") therefore: let us KILL (strong words don’t you think…better put him on the “psycho” watch list) the porno industry and commercials (and adds) that promote girls in bikkinis. As a matter of fact, the pornINDUSTRY sells $100 million more than nfl, nhl, nba, and nsa last yearCOMBINED.(take a hint…….sure, the masses rally against the porn industry but in the same essence they spend more money on the it than church) again, i'll take this another step further and quote Jesus Christ,(because I’m sure you know him personally) "if any man so much as looks at a woman with lust, he has already committed adultery in his heart." and i'll quote paul, "FLEE from sexual immorality, for any other sin a man commits is outside his body, but any one who sins sexually sins against his OWN body." with that said: as a guy, i DO NOT want to see a girl onlyhalf-dressed.(sooo……… maybe you’re playing for the other team eh?) It makes me wanna throw up.(point confirmed) some guys find that as a turn on. much in the same way, guys should also dress promptly.(how the hell do you dress promptly?) no no no, i am NOT talking about going back to the 40's and dressin like prunes! (I belive the word you’re looking for here is pruDes) Not at all, i am all for liberty but i am against lust. i've seen relationships and marriages (yes, MARRIAGES of pastors and ministers) break up because of this...this...this abomination of a sin!!(honey I doubt it was some girl in a bikini that broke up the marriage………..there were obviously other problems, maybe lack of lol) i hate it as much as i do all the other "big sins." with that said: what is commitment? what is intimacy? intimacy to this generation is shackin up in some one's bedroom!!(no that’s fucking and from the sounds of it you could seriously use some!!!!) but that's notright...intimacy is "into-me-see". (is that what they tell you at your right winged church brainwashing meetings? How cute!) It is being one with the person thatone is married to or together with. (side note: God made adam and eve,not adam and steve)(This is the point I want to hurl large objects at his head..........and yes I AM on the psycho watch list! This is a whole new topic I'll be glad to "blog" on later) It is that point in which no verbal communication isrequired, that just one look says it all. It is that moment that is achieved after growing together as one PERSON. It is when someone lookinin cannot tell where one person stops and the other begins.(again…………brainwashing meetings?) Commitment is this, again to quote Jesus Christ, "by this that all men will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another as i have loved you." and again, to quote paul, "offer up your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, this is your reasonable act ofworship." it means when it says "'till death do us part," that it means,"until we die." Having said all this, this will be my LAST post in with accordance to this matter. thus i leave you with this this quote: "What is worthhaving, is not always easy to attain. What is worth keeping is worthf ighting for. He is not a fool to give up what he cannot keep, to gainwhat he cannot lose."

Uggggg……………….rant……………ok I’m a little better. But this is the majority of America and what my child will have to contend with in his future.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A bit of a poetry day I think

Self Destruction
By Ayisha Knight

Death by
Invisibility will soon
The mind for
I have been swallowed by
the diet craze.
A hundred thirty pounds is
too much for a girl
your size, the ads claim, and so
I swallow the sweet poison
with the hope someday that
I too
will have
skinny legs,
bony arms,
little breasts,
and flat stomach
in order to please the man
I used to love.
As I too become
a pill popping woman
at one hundred and twenty pounds,
I swallow my desires
and suppress my feelings of anger
and frustration
at the fear of one day expanding,
gaining power,
and one day consuming the giant
who possessesmy soul.
Slowly, I become
the incredible
shrinking woman.
At one hundred pounds,
the man
I used to love
says I am beautiful
and should become
a model.
I smile but am
too weak to respond.
The poison within my
body and mind has
overpowered me.
My throat has now
shrunk to the point
where I can
no longer scream
for my dreams.
Two ribs are removed
to maintain my
my flat stomach,
and my non-existent hips.
I fail to feel
the pain.
My blood has
stopped its circulation
and so I die,
unable to bear life
in my attempt to
the image
of a twelve year old girl
forced to look
twice her age.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

12 Reasons Homosexual Marriage Should NOT be Legal....this one's great!

Top twelve reasons homosexual marriage should not be legal
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears'55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy likeours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "seperate but equal"institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for gays and lesbians will.